Granville Sentinel columnist Don Haven's witticisms remembered

Licking County lost a community voice last month. Don Haven died Dec. 28. His regular readers (both of them, as he liked to say) knew him as the semi-regular contributor who offered up countless editions of his “You Know I’m Right” columns in this newspaper. I knew him as a friend.

Don was an unapologetic patriot. He loved this country and served it proudly in the Navy. His service spanned 29 years as an enlisted sailor and later as an officer, retiring as a captain. His father, wife and daughter Jane all served in that branch as well.

A son of Iowa, he saw the world from American warships and duty stations and then got to Granville as fast as he could.

He was also the devoted husband to his wonderful wife, Debbie. He called her “my loving wife of some forty years (MLWOS40yrs),” and she was all that and more. While they more recently enjoyed time away in warmer South Carolina, this couple was involved in as many local Licking County activities and causes as anyone I know.

Both of my (now adult) children remember him as the AP History teacher at Granville High School. I didn’t know Don well back then, but he caught my attention when my daughter reported that “Mr. Haven sometimes -- in the middle of class -- opens the door to our room, rings a bell and shouts out ‘freedom!’”

This was someone I needed to know better.

In fact, during his full-time teaching (and later working as a substitute teacher) many of Don’s declarations were memorable enough that some students chronicled them for later reference. Who wouldn’t want a high school teacher who held forth with such witticisms as:

Don Haven

“If you get anything out of this reading assignment, you’re a better man than I.”

“Here’s why I don’t allow cell phones in the classroom: because I’m told that’s where children get their instructions from the devil.”

“If you see the same little old lady, homeless, with a shopping cart three times, it’s not a coincidence. You’re being tailed. It’s probably a KGB agent.”

“Who hasn’t hung around a 9-year-old and doesn’t need a taser?”

The observations in his columns were equally as compellingly comical.

When offering a tribute to the family’s departed dog, he noted, “Unlike the rest of my family, she was a great listener and was always greatly interested in what I had to say.”

The dog was not alone. Many people in our community loved, hated or just enjoyed reading his often curmudgeon-like takes on things we all confront in life. They include:

“Unnatural hair coloring. Red, purple, green, orange, and blue are not a good look for anyone. I know this is America and we can dress the way we want, but let’s have some standards here.”

“Blister packs are the absolute worst. I have an extensive pocketknife collection, but do I need to carry a weapon just to get at my vitamins?”

And every golfer can relate to his laments about how hard it is to excel in the game: “I too have taken lessons, with four different instructors; one quit golf altogether, one suggested I might be better at pickleball, one told me I needed a handicap sticker on my car (very funny), and the last has not been heard from since my last lesson.”

If you knew Don, he made you smile every time you saw him. And, as a faithful Christian and elder at First Presbyterian Church in Granville, he frequently put the gospel into action. My family was honored when he agreed to be the sponsor of my son’s baptism.

You can read much of his work at tinyurl.com/HavenColumns. Whether you agree with his perspective or not, everyone can appreciate his civil, thoughtful, and amusing take on life.

Don’s business card simply featured a U.S. flag, his contact information and the one description that mattered to him most: “Don Haven – American.”

He rang the bell for freedom and lived a life anchored in faith. Heaven welcomed him home, and Granville feels the void. You know I’m right.

Mark R. Weaver is a local attorney and author.